Shazamming The Shamwow Shaggy Shitzui Symbolic Charade

I know I may be getting to this issue a little late but it appears that DC Comics, in all their wonderful brand new decisions in an attempt to revitalize their brand of comics and not alienating a new audience while completely alienating their old faithful audience (Kinda like good ole’ George Lucas) has for whatever pointless oddball reason renamed Captain Marvel to Shazam. In case some of you are unfamiliar with Captain Marvel, he is a boy named Billy Batson who is (in no creepy pedophile Chris Hanson inspiring way) championed by the wizard Shazam to be a superhero for justice, good and all that jazz. Now for Billy Batson to transform into the built single jerry curl wonder known as Captain Marvel, he has to scream Shazam! and a bolt of lightning would magically transform him. This obviously brings up a lot of questions.

If the character is known as Shazam instead of Captain Marvel, does that mean every time he introduces himself to another superhero he magically turns back into Billy Batson thus compromising his secret identity? How the fuck does this work? If something isn’t broken then why try to fix it? Especially for what seems like an arbitrary reason after 73 years? Is DC simply changing the name of a beloved (alright I’m stretching with that) superheroes name and premise just to make it more accessible to a new demographic? If that’s the case then why don’t we just have everyone call Batman all the time whether or not he’s in costume and simply drop the whole idea of this bullshit Bruce Wayne character? Ya know since kids these days obviously won’t be able to comprehend the idea of dual identities, multiple names, and all too easily confused with all their jiggamatwhats and whatchamacallits. I’m sorry I don’t know the lingo of what the kids say these days.

I like to think in the new DC universe, this Captain Marvel, errr….I mean Shazam exists in a parallel reality in which people instead of being called by their proper names are just being called by whatever moniker they are most associated with. So in this reality, we can deduce that Snooki is more well known as That-Orange-Ewok-Slut-Thing or That-Dumb-Pregnant-Bitch or Rush Limbaugh is more well known as That-Really-Really-Crazy-Conservative-Douche-Nozzle. Come to think of it, I think I may actually like that reality better than this one. Makes things a lot easier to comprehend and its more streamlined! Right? ….no?

When asked about the change writer Geoff Johns had this to say:

“With SHAZAM! Gary and I will be focusing on the magic hero instead of the superhero. For centuries science has ruled the world, but now magic is returning. We’re telling the story of the hero’s young alter ego, Billy Batson, a foster kid at a crossroads in his life. The quesiton is, how does the emotional journey of this troubled teenager collide with the fate of the world?”

That in no way sounds incredibly cliche and boring to me. Not at all. Despite the fact that I generally like Geoff Johns.

As well as:

“Well, there are a lot of reasons for the change,” Johns said. “One is that everybody thinks he’s Shazam already, outside of comics. It’s also, for all sorts of reasons, calling him Shazam just made sense for us. And, you know, every comic book he’s in right now has Shazam on the cover.”

Ah, so it’s all about the covers. I knew it!

Also I would like to bring to attention the costume change, pictured below with the original costume on the left and the new one on the right:

Okay, so we have a classic Golden Age look on the left, classic identifiable superhero attire. Skin tight leotard. Check. Awesome cape. Check. Cool lightning bolt symbol. Check. And on the right, we have some sort of half thought out blatant Assassins Creed looking Greek three belt bucks on his boots electric everywhere bullshit. He looks so edgy with his teeth clenched standing in the gritty brick alleyway of some impoverished neighborhood, doesn’t he? There is too much going on with the new costume that for a minute, I damn near thought I was in the 90’s again. Fuck.

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